Yes... we've made up

"God wills a full life for us all,
Loves us with tender care,
Asks us to take the sacrifice
Of broken life to share."
-- Paul R. Gregory

Well... for a long time now... months now, I have been pretty pissed at God. I have pretty much been blowing Him off. With much guilt, but not much regret, I have stood up JC for our Sunday date for I don't know how long. I just haven't been in the mood to deal with what I perceive is ... His crap. *SIGH* I have had an idea of what I wanted my life to be like and things that were integral to my happiness still don't even seem to be mirages on the horizon. My upcoming birthday celebration is certainly not helping matters. Rage and sorrow doesn't even come close to describing what I feel at His disregard of what I want... He really has been a prick.

Now, don't get all offended and think, "Oooo.. blasphemy." I feel that I have a very close bond with the guy. Kind of like the family member that is always there for you, completely dependable, but has just enraged you, so you are going to put the deep freeze on them for a while. You know they will always be there for you, so you take advantage of the luxury of taking them for granted. I think if I didn't care about Him so much, I wouldn't feel so furious. (BTW, I say "Him" for tradition sake... to me God encompasses everything... not male or female... just everything.)

And then Easter happened. I always read at the vigil. My reading usually takes place during the portion of the Mass when the church is in darkness. After I shuffle off the alter, praying that I don't go "Ass over tea kettle", as the Old Fox would say, the Gloria is sung and all the lights are turned on. A feeling of surpise, shock from the brightness, and happiness always overtakes me. JC has risen. Time for new beginnings. Time to reassess what I want our relationship to be. Of course, He is always right, so I have decided to compromise, as I always do. I have decided to focus on the positive things He has blessed me with. Be happy with what I have instead of dwelling on what I want and don't have. Maybe by changing the focus, the other will come *CROSSING FINGERS... EM.. I MEAN CROSSING MYSELF* :^Þ

So, my children, keep your eyes peeled mid-April for a positive post about my Birthday... Not the one I had prepared to write last week, which included a glock to my temple :-Þ

Stay cool and safe!